Adventures of Yelle and A: The Fight
I shouldn't call it the fight. I should call it a fight and really, even that is incorrect. It was more like me being furious. To the naked eye, we have fights about 1 out of every 4 seconds of the day. They aren't "fights" so much as bicker sessions complete with (me) name calling.. and, according to him, he may or may not be able to go to the police with evidence that I beat him (I hardly call tiny and microscopic bruises from pinching "evidence" but we're arguing semantics, I guess)... but THIS is how we show our love (because he consumes way too much protein + way too much caffeine [think HULK], and I am just naturally enraged way too much combined with the estrogen of Oprah). I know, we're perfect.
I've tried to convince him that things would be a lot easier in our life and we would NEVER fight if he would just do what I want him to do. I'm not going to get into the logistics of the epic battle that ensued because like most relationship fights, it would make no sense, plus it wasn't about what it actually was about, again.. like most relationship fights. PLUS my hissy fit was exhausting and I still didn't get my way, so what's there even to talk about?
So, in true Yelle form, I consulted my life coaches, as well as conducting a facebook poll (just kidding............this time) about "the joys of my life with A, today".. AKA him exactly NOT DOING what I asked him to do, like normal and then totally acting like I wasn't mad with the rage of a thousand hungry mountain lions..
The girls concluded:
"You don't make it clear, Yelle. He doesn't know if you're serious or if you're playing. You need a safe word or secret handshake for: this is serious and not one of our 'we're happy and do this for fun' arguments."
Obviously, I am bound and determined to manipulate him into doing exactly what I want him to do, like anyone in my position would do... and I've got approximately forever to figure out how to execute it perfectly, so what the hell, I'm going to give this "safe word or secret handshake" thing a try.
So the three of us spent the next 6 minutes racking our brains, and
GENIUS STRUCK
this is the conclusion we've come up with:
Chelle: What about a bird call or something? CA-CAW. CA-CAW. (personal fave, it would be yours too if you heard her do it in character.)
E: FLICK HIM IN THE THROAT. NOT HARD THOUGH, BECAUSE THAT COULD HURT.
Me: ..none of those are serious enough. They will make me laugh.. he always makes me laugh and that's how he wins. I need something that won't make me laugh. I need something serious, girls.
All three of us: .............
Me: SOMETHING.IS.DEAD.
E: that will work.
Chelle: yea, try that.
Me: YES.
So, A and I have obviously made up since our fight, even though I bring it up every 11.2 seconds because I'm still FUMING at having LOST and because he just stubborns me into laughter and claims VICTORY. But it's really because I love him SO much that I can't even stay mad at him when I'm mad at him.. but NEXT time we fight, I will try one all three of these methods to convey the seriousness of my frustration. I'll let you know if this is something YOU should try. Results may vary.
OTHERWISE, he's getting the effing chicken.
